I am smooth. Soooooo smooth. Just call me 95.3 (Sydney reference). I refer not to my exceptional (though admittedly somewhat under-utilised) pick up skills, but to my skin. My face. It is unbelievably smooth. It’s not quite as smooth as Baby N’s bum…..but it’s on it’s way.

I turned 36 a couple of weeks ago. What’s that you say? I don’t? No, I swear, 36. Yep 1978. What? Why thank you! Oh please….stop! You’re embarrassing me!! Anyway despite what you say, I have been beginning to notice the tell-tale signs of *whisper* ageing…….I said ageing………Seriously do I have to shout it? I said AGEING.

It all started a couple of weeks ago. I read an article on 30 secrets to better skin or 20 ways to keep your age a secret…..or something along those lines (ha ha). Clearly I didn’t read the article that carefully because I’m pretty sure that announcing your age in the second paragraph of your blog was NOT one of the top so-called secrets but I read enough to know that it was time to make some changes if I wanted my face to age slower than my……age. Call me a sucker for marketing (because I am) but by the end of the article I decided that it was time to permanently import a serum, eye cream and night cream into my skin regime. I use the term regime somewhat loosely. I wash my face in the shower, I moisturise, and I buy exfoliants, masks, and all sorts of other potions which really do have serious magic to do as they have to work their wonder on my skin from the bathroom cabinet). I’ve always been really into beauty and skincare….just more into buying it than actually using it.

Realising that I might have reached that point in my life where I could no longer rely on the kind hand of G-d for half decent skin, I went off to my friendly Estée Lauder counter and bought Advanced Night Repair Synchronised Complex II (you know it must be potent and effective with such a long, complicated name) and Advanced Night Repair Eye Serum. They had a free gift offer on (free gift time is my favourite time of all) which means I got decent sized pots of Advanced Time Zone Age Reversing Line/Wrinkle cream and Advanced Time Zone Age Reversing Eye Cream. The sales assistant also wanted me to try their new MicroEssence Skin Activated treatment lotion, which at first, and second glance, could be mistaken for water. Slightly scented water. On my way past the Clinique counter I noticed that they were advertising a new serum too. Clinique Smart Custom Repair. Given that there was a seed of doubt as to the aptitude of my brain for its infallible belief in expensive skincare, I decided that perhaps having clever skin instead was the way to go. People always say that Clinique are very generous with samples so I bounded up to the Clinique lady and asked her for some to try. Strangely she was not all that happy to part with it, even thought she had a drawer full of generous sized samples. I told her I wasn’t going to buy a serum until I’d tried it (okay so brain still has some function), and she relented and threw in a sample of their Repair Wear Uplifting Firming cream too.

So that night I was all ready to begin my new night routine when I realised there was a problem. I don’t wash off my make up at night. Yep skin sin of all sins. I don’t. Or at least I didn’t. Too tired. The dentist wants me to floss each night, and the magazines say you HAVE to wash your face, and the obstetrician says do your pelvic floor exercises, and the kids say “read just one more story”, and the hand and feet people want you to pop some cream on your digits. And they all say it just takes 5 minutes. And technically they are right, but when you add those 5 minutes up, that’s half an hour of sleep, precious SLEEP I could be sleeping. So I say no to ALL of it. Oh yes I do. (Sorry Brian).

Well at least I did say no, but then I realised that if I was going to try out this night cream lark then I was going to have to wash my face first. But it’s winter and the water is cold, so I use Bioderma Crealine H2O, which I had initially bought to inspire myself to remove my make-up at night. It had been doing some serious time in the bathroom cupboard.

So first I remove my makeup, then I pat on the night serum (Estée Lauder), and then the night eye serum, and then the Estée Lauder cream and then the eye cream. In the morning my skin (apparently) activates the Microessense lotion, before I put on the Clinique Smart serum, and the eye serum, and the Clinique Repair Wear, and the eye cream. Except this morning I was in a super rush (it is REALLY hard getting four kids and myself out the door by 7.30. Really, really hard) and I put the night creams on by accident, and now my smart skin is all confused and thinks it’s time to go to bed. Anyhow. I figured once I was doing all of this I may as well start exfoliating, so I’ve been swiping every few nights with GoTo Swipeys. Seeing as they already have residence in the cabinet. Yep it’s a party on my face and the whole bathroom cupboard is invited.

I think philosophy’s Hope in a Jar is the most aptly named product ever. Because that’s what we’re buying when we buy a moisturiser isn’t it. Often little more than hope, in a jar or bottle. Or tub. Or tube. There is no stopping me when it comes to container synonyms. Still waters run deep.

After almost a week of my newfound skin fervour, my skin looks bloody fantastic. And seriously? It feels like silk (you’ll have to take my word for it, unless you see me, in which case have a stroke. Of my skin, I mean. Don’t have a stroke). I feel like I have dropped a few years from my face. Not that anyone has actually commented…..so technically it could be that Working Boy replaced 100 watt halogens with 40 watt, and my skin looks the same, I just see it less clearly. But it still feels good.