A couple of weeks ago, beauty expert extraordinaire, Zoe Foster-Blake, posted a pic on her Instagram, which I follow. Having recently had a baby, it was titled the Oh Shit The Baby is Starting to Cry 2 minute make-up routine.
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Personally I like to think of myself as somewhat of an expert in this genre of make-up application.
And so I present to you the Oh no (I had to cease swearing looooong ago) the baby is starting to cry, the 6 year old wants to do his reader which he should have done last night, the 8 year old is refusing to get dressed, the 10 year old needs his diary signed, and the 39 year old left for work at 6am two minute make-up routine.

Mine differs from Zoe’s in that she utilises a BB cream. I have not yet found a good BB cream (not for lack of trying), so I use the old fashioned moisturiser-primer-foundation combo. I’ll probably give her Clarins recommendation a go – I pretty much listen to anything Zoe says.

Anyway, this is my face:

Clockwise from the top:
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ASAP Ultimate Hydration – as I am inhaling my first coffee, and if Baby N is playing happily for a few minutes, I run into the bathroom and rub this all over my face. While it’s sinking in, I go and prepare breakfasts / get the lunches out of the fridge / start helping Master 6 get dressed / find the bits of uniform that have inexplicably gone missing.

At some point, in amongst all this (and more) I go back to the bathroom and smear a thin layer of Napoleon Auto Pilot Skin Primer. I am almost 100% sure my foundation stays on longer than without it.

I give Baby N breakfast (that is a whole separate blog post). I try and interest Baby N in continuing to play with his toys. But by now he is getting fed up with being fobbed off and wants some ATTENTION.

I take Baby N to the bathroom with me. I put him on the floor so I can apply my foundation (YSL Le Teint Touche Éclat). I pump it into my hand and start smoothing on with my fingers when I notice that Baby N is gripping the toilet bowl (and of course, with 3 older boys our seat is always up) and pulling to stand.

I abort the foundation application. Pick up Baby N, wash his hands, disinfect them, dry them. Not only does the rest of my make up have to now be applicable in under two minutes, it also has to be done one handed, holding a 14kg baby whose sole object is to grab whatever I am holding and to capture my attention so I will look at him, and not the mirror. You’ve got to know it’s a pretty foolproof routine.

Hourglass concealer
This step is crucial. 4 kids = dark circles.

Napoleon Amazing Lash Mascara. This came free with a magazine. I love magazines. I have a lot of free magazine mascara. I actually quite like this one.

Estée Lauder Pure Colour cello shot
Can’t go wrong with this. Quick rub with my fingers and it gives me a pleasant, subtle rosy glow that makes me look as alive as my second coffee makes me feel.

Benefit Watts Up illuminator. According to the magazines, an illuminator gives you that “lit from within” look. I like the idea of glowing like a nightlight. So I plop a bit of that on too in case it works. Maybe I just look strangely slightly sparkly. You can tell me next time you see me.

I run an old kids’ toothbrush through my brows. You know how kids don’t really rinse their toothbrushes? So the first time I did this I ended up with dry flecks of used toothpaste in my brows. Oh yes I did. Nina, stop laughing. Anyway now that I have overcome this problem, it really does do a decent, quick brow grooming job.

A squirt of Chlôe (I’ve always wanted a signature scent and I think this is it), and I’m done.

If for some reason I need to put in a token extra effort (Preschool concert, Mother’s Day morning tea, really REALLY bad night where the only thing that will make me feel remotely human or alive is painting my face) I add these in:

Estée Lauder Bronze Goddess. This neither turns me bronze (it can’t work miracles), nor into a goddess (again with the miracles), but it does give me a less ghostly appearance and sometimes even gives the impression that I have relaxed in the sun.

Revlon Colourburst balm stain (if I really want to look like I’ve made an effort) or Clinique Chubby Stick in Heaping Hazelnut (for a more subtle, generally polished look).

Chanel le crayon kôhl. Doesn’t have to be Chanel – anything smudgy and black will do. This is good when I am sick of looking like someone’s mum and luckily this looks GOOD with messed up hair because as you will notice my routine does not include a hair brush. Sadly I don’t think anyone is fooled by my rock-chick liner. The baby on the hip and the 7 seater car is just too much of a give away. And then, of course, there’s the handbag.

And that’s it.

XOXO Shopping Girl